Stupid in Love
by Sour Schuyler
Summary: complete ShadiRyouBakura Bakura mistakenly believes that Ryou is going to commit seppuku. Ryou thinks this is hysterical. But how far will Ryou go just for a laugh? And where does Shadi come in? MUCHO INSANITY! [multisongfics] COMPLETED
1. Fa La La La La

Stupid in Love

Chapter 1, Version 2

Fa La La La La…

"Tis the season to be jolly," Bakura murmured to himself. "Fa la la la la, and ha ha ha." He sprayed the supersoaker at the large dog next door, who responded by trying to bite him. Luckily, there was a giant metal fence in between them.

"Bwa ha ha ha ha!" Bakura squirted the dog in between the eyes. "Crusher" ran off whimpering with his tail between his legs. "Time to bug my host."

Bakura took of his terribly itchy sweater as he entered the house and stomped up the stairs. The damnable sweater made him even more irritated than this cold, Christmas weather. "RYOU!"

_A/N I realized that I never mentioned it was Xmas… (sweat drops)_

"…" There was no answer, so Bakura opened the door to the little library-type thing where Ryou's dad kept all of his books on archaeology and ancient architecture. Boring, boring, boring, except for the books on Egypt. Bakura liked to look at the pictures… made him feel nostalgic.

Ryou was curled up on the comfy window seat, reading a thin, hardcover book whose cover was black with red lines on it. Bakura squinted. Were those red lines supposed to be blood?

"Hai yami?" Ryou looked up at him with sparkling brown eyes. His white hair framed his face, giving his eyes even more effect. Bakura felt a knot in his stomach tighten from all the uber-cuteness. "Uh…"

_/Got me lookin so crazy right now  
Your love's got me lookin so crazy right now  
(your love)  
Got me lookin so crazy right now your touch's  
Got me lookin so crazy right now  
(your touch)  
Got me hoping you page me right now your kiss's  
Got me hoping you save me right now  
Lookin so crazy your love's got me lookin  
Got me lookin so crazy your love/_

_A/N: Yesers, I had to torture Kura with the song._

"Ryou what are you listening to?" he demanded. Music streamed from the radio, which Ryou had set right beside him.

"Beyonce Knowles," Ryou explained. "She's really, really… pretty."

The color left Bakura's face. His hikari thought some superstar was _pretty?! _What was the world coming to? And didn't he stab that window seat last month? He was pretty sure. It was the same window seat, right? The one with dark blue and light blue vertical stripes? Hm... His hikari thought some superstar was hot?!

"It's pure garbage," Bakura opined. "You don't have this on CD do you?"

"No." Ryou paused to turn the page in his book. "It's on the radio." He tapped the gray radio with his forefinger to make his point.

"…I see…" said Bakura as _Just Lose It _came on, by Eminem. His hikari definitely didn't have that on CD. "So what book are you reading?"

'What did I come up here to do again?' Bakura asked himself.

/I think it was to bug me,/ Ryou explained.

/Oh, thanks. I mean---!! Wait a second!!/

"I'm reading a book all about the ancient art of seppuku," Ryou explained, as if their telepathic conversation had never happened.

Bakura snorted. "I bet that's useful, eh?"

"Yeah, it'll go easier if I really know what to do," Ryou said with the air of someone depressed, as he gave out a sigh. Bakura's eyes widened.

"You can't commit seppuku!?" Bakura whined. "Who will I blame my stuff on??"

"Mmm… Marik," Ryou chose. "I'm not really going to commit— OOF!" Ryou was cut off as Bakura tackled him.

"You better not," the other Bakura warned. He was basically right on top of Ryou in a way that was very suggestive.

_A/N This is what I live for. :)_

"…Don't swing that way, sorry," was all that Ryou said, and he pushed a very confused Yami Bakura off of him and left the room.


	2. The Cat

Stupid in Love

Chapter 2, Version 5

The Cat

Bakura was squatted in a corner, meditating. The former grave robber stared at a potted plant and tried to make it set fire with his mind. He was still blushing as he thought of what had just happened.

What had gone wrong? All he had expressed was that he just didn't want his hikari to commit seppuku… If Ryou went the way of hara-kiri, then he would have to live here all alone. Worse – have to act like Shen's son and Amane's oniichan! Oh the horror! Amane was like, the biggest brat in the universe…

Why did Ryou think it was funny? Commiting suicide was not funny! Dang it…

Bakura couldn't help feeling extremely guilty because he had been known to harm his lesser half for his own leisure. Sure, Bakura had physically abused his hikari over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over… but he didn't drink anymore! And therefore, he just hurt him a little. Besides, once he was sober he had found that he really liked little Ryou… maybe in that way.

_A/N I think hanging out with a drunk 'Kura would be fun… ;)_

Ryou wouldn't _really _commit seppuku, would he?

"…" Bakura stood up, deciding to go check on his lesser half. He would just have to give the weakling a reason to live then… Hm. What could he possibly do though?

Oh, yes! Ryou was such a romanticist, so if Bakura confessed to Ryou that he loved him, that would give Ryou a reason to live!

Bakura blushed lightly. "Aw crap," he said, "now I have to act mushy." He trudged out of the room, trying to think of a way to announce his new-found love to his new-found crush.

In the kitchen, Ryou brushed himself off. "Ok… that was odd…" Ryou smiled, "but very entertaining. I can't believe he thinks that I'm really going to commit seppuku, kitty." Ryou scratched the beige cat behind its black ears. "You're a pretty kitty…Can't believe somebody would just abandon you on the street like that! I didn't know Bakura was gay, did you?"

The kitty nodded. Ryou blinked. "Oh, well aren't you a smart thing…" Ryou gave the kitty a treat.

It is a good thing indeed that Ryou was not a homophobe, or else this story would end right here. Or, actually it wouldn't, but it's a good thing Ryou isn't homophobic because I absolutely adore shounen-ai. Anyway, Ryou actually had a large crush on his other half.

_A/N I also realize that I didn't mention this until the next chapter, but you know, I wanted to add it into this one because I just did._

Ryou admired Bakura because he was everything he wasn't. Bakura wasn't afraid to act selfish or mean, and he had bangs that looked like bat wings on his head. He also could just send whoever or whatever he didn't like to the Shadow Realm, and there were lots of times when Ryou wished that he could do the same.

He had told his yami he didn't swing that way, though, and Ryou wondered if that just ruined anything between them.

"Do you suppose that Bakura has a crush on me?" Ryou asked the kitten on a whim. The cat just stared at him. "Well… whatever. It's fun to push his buttons, eh?" At this, the kitty nodded. "You really _are _a smart cat!" Ryou delighted. "I have to feed you…"

The "cat" wrinkled its nose as soon as Ryou turned away. But he was staring… at Ryou's… bottom… and licking his black, kitty lips.

"Shadi!" Bakura smacked the cat off of the counter. "Stop staring at Ryou that way, you stupid cat. I knew that should've run you over when I hijacked that eighteen wheeler. Now I may never get the chance. But… oh yeah, you've got nine lives, so I would just have to run you over nine times. Nine times the fun! Woohoo."

_A/N Can anybody imagine Bakura actually saying "Woohoo"? I can. :D_

"Huh?" Ryou turned and looked innocently at Bakura. "Why did you call the cat Shadi, 'Kura?"

"Uhm… Because it reminds me of that stupid Egyptian, so I thought we could name him that," Bakura lied. How was he going to explain that the cat _was _Shadi, who had been hanging out, waiting for a chance to put him on trial with the Millennium Scales? Well, he wasn't, that was for sure. But it had become increasingly apparent that Shadi had illicit feelings for _his _Ryou.

"OOH! Does that mean we can keep him, 'Kura?" Ryou asked, straightening up with a bag of cat food in his arms. He looked at 'Kura, his chocolate brown eyes sparkling like a jewel. Ryou loved cats, and this cat seemed like an especially smart kitty. Maybe he could exploit its talents and send it to "Animal's Funniest Videos" on Animal Planet.

Bakura stared at the cat food, trying to ignore the Ranma-esque situation forming here. If Ryou kept Shadi, it would be like Akane keeping P-chan as her pet. Except P-chan was a pig, and Shadi was a cat. And Ryou was a boy, and Akane was a girl. And Bakura's name wasn't Ranma, and if you dumped cold water on him, he would still stay a male specimen.

_A/N Thank God._

Ranma eyes the large bag of Purina cat food. "…Where did you get that?" he asked suspiciously.

"…Crunchy."

"Forget that I asked," Bakura disdained, dismissing the subject with a slight narrowing of his eyes. Shadi wrinkled his pink nose in dainty disgust.


	3. He Never Scratches ME Behind the Ears!

(sings) Doumo arigatou Mr. Roboto! (grins cheesily) …(crickets chirp) Okay, anyhoo, thanks to Rachel, Akio the Dragon Master, and Misura! Your reviews have helped me a lot! Rachel, you especially should look out for Chapter 6… hehe. ;) On with the fic!

Stupid in Love  
Chapter 3, Version 2

He Never Scratches ME Behind the Ears!

"…" Ryou looked from Bakura, to Shadi. "What's wrong with you two?"

"You just said that you ate cat food," Bakura said, face faulting. Next to him, Shadi has his nose wrinkled again. Although he had chosen to be a cat in clandestine, he was _not _overly fond of the food Ryou insisted on feeding him. He was, however, overly fond of Ryou. If what Ryou had said was true, he had competition. He turned to Bakura and stared at him with slit pupils.

"…Oh." Ryou scratched the back of his head. "…You're an _idiot, _'Kura. I didn't mean it." Ryou rolled his eyes.

"Is that so?" Bakura demanded, angrily. Ryou turned around and stared at him quietly. …Was Bakura really gay?? Hm… If he was, this would be a good chance to tease him for awhile… especially since he thought that Ryou was going to commit seppuku. He wouldn't do anything to drive Ryou over the edge, in other words.

"…I think _you _eat this stuff, faggot." Ryou tossed the package at him, staring at him coolly. "Why don't you feed Shadi now." And then he left the room.

"…What the hey!?" Bakura glared at where Ryou had been standing a minute ago. Shadi stared too, but in a different way. The beige cat had it's head tilted, and it's eyes looked dreamy… "Stop acting so licentious Shadi." Bakura stared at the package of cat food. "…He called _me _a faggot. That's _your _fault, Mr. Kitty."

Shadi's tail swished back and forth, his golden eyes boring holes through Bakura. Even though he hated cat food, it didn't mean he wasn't hungry. Cat food was better than nothing.

"…Well, you're not being fed," Bakura said, and he shoved the bag of cat food back underneath the counter.

"MROOWWWW!" Shadi attacked him in a flurry of claws.

"OW!" Bakura kicked him. "Stupid cat!" He ran out into the living room for salvation from the evil Egyptian kitty from Hell. Ryou was reading again, his chocolate brown eyes intently focused on the words in front of him.

"………Is that the same book?" Bakura wanted to know.

Ryou looked up. "Maybe it is. Why do you want to know?" he asked slyly.

Bakura bit his lower lip. "You can't just commit seppuku, you know, that would kill me too…" Bakura was lying; he had no idea what might happen if Ryou killed himself. But, it seemed like a logical fallacy due to their yami-hikari bond, and so he went with it.

"Oh. Well, can you send me to the Shadow Realm?" Ryou asked innocently. 'He'll never do it.'

Bakura's eyes widened. "Wot?"

"Yeah. It'd be a lot less painful than seppuku as well," Ryou explained, a strange smile playing upon his face. Bakura took a step back, a little creeped out. Just then, Shadi came in, the little bells on his thick, blue collar jingling, and he leapt gracefully up onto Ryou's lap.

"Hi Shadi," Ryou sat, scratching him behind the ear again. Shadi purred; Bakura growled.

"Isn't it weird how Shadi's purring sounds like laughter?" Ryou observed.

"Yeah," Bakura glared like a hawk at the cat. _"Fushigi desu."_


	4. Handydog

Akio the Dragon Master- Thank you soooo much Megan! I wouldn't have even put this chapter up yet if you hadn't said "please update"…  It really made my day! Anyway, I got the idea of Ryou eating cat food from a spam e-mail I got a looong time ago… about some lady who wanted to buy cat food, but the grocer said she had to bring her cat to prove she had one. Some old ladies, the grocer said, would eat the cat food. 

Misura- If it's Shadi you want, you are going to _adore _the seventh chapter.  Just you wait…

Rachel- I happen to like that song a lot. Like I said, the title was a play on "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce Knowles and Jay-Z. I was listening to it when I started writing this.  I'm also listening to it right now… Several more songs to come.  Anyway, just in case I didn't mention it earlier, chapter 6 is where your dreams come true. 

I hope to get lots more reviews soon!!!! 

Stupid in Love

Chapter 4

Handy-dog

Bakura grabbed Shadi by the scruff of the neck. Shadi howled and hissed as the tomb robber carried him out the front door.

"'Kura!" Ryou mewed plaintively. "What are you doing?? Please don't hurt him. He never hurt you…"

"Yeah right!" Bakura barked. "Look what he did to me!" Bakura held up his arm, which was looking very… red."

"…You should probably put some bandages on that," Ryou answered. "Um… please don't hurt him, though. He's a really cute little kitty…"

Bakura was disgusted by the fact that his hikari was unknowingly labeling Shadi "cute". But, Ryou might commit seppuku if the cat was killed… right? Eh, let's just go with Bakura was stupid and decided to listen to Ryou.

Bakura sighed sadly. "…Fine hikari I won't." He had his fingers crossed, though. He closed the door behind him, and Ryou blushed slightly.

"Did he just call me hikari?" he murmured to himself, and he got up to follow Bakura and ask him. He stood by the screen door, and heard Bakura's stern lecture from outside.

"…Listen, Shadi," Bakura was saying. "Just because _you _can shape shift into a cat and _you _look adorable, doesn't mean that _you _can sit on _my _hikari's lap! You hear me??"

"Meow." _A/N _

"Very well then… Just one thing left to do." Bakura mosied on over to the metal fence mentioned in chapter 1, where Crusher still was, waiting for somebody to offer him a detached limb to gnaw on. "Here boy!" He motioned for the large Doberman to 'come'.

Crusher loped towards him gracefully. Then he stood by the fence and gnashed his teeth together, saliva flying every which way. Bakura didn't look fazed one bit as he tossed Shadi over the fence and started to head back towards the house. Ryou exited the house, his head swimming. He now realized that Bakura _really really did like him! _…And that… ew… _ew_! Shadi had sat on his _lap! Sickening!_ He needed Tylenol… but wait a second, weren't they out? Ah crud.

"I'm going to get some stuff at the pharmacy!" Ryou announced regally. "Want to go with me, Kura-chan?"

Bakura looked towards their neighbor's yard and smiled. "…Sure…"

_/Yo, yo, I'm only smilin' when I'm violent,  
got on the plane ,  
told the pilot to fly me to Tylenol Island  
stewardess like "you restless?"  
"no , I'm rest-Full, so hold this jet still so I can eat these pretzels"  
Forget school,  
the other kids are disrespectful,  
they hold me down and play connect-the-dots with my freckles  
I can't take it  
I'm tryin' to gain weight,  
so I eat steak  
and swallow the whole plate  
and weigh myself,   
without albums  
to teach kids family values  
'cuz every mom and dad should allow you to pop   
and never hit someone unless you got a reason  
and if there ain't a reason  
make one up and just start swingin'/_

_A/N: Aw, come on! You knew I was going to throw in some Eminem somewhere…_

"Then let's go!" Ryou grabbed Bakura's wrist and started to drag him down the sidewalk.

"Eh… what are you…" Bakura relinquished Ryou's hold on him and began to follow after his hikari on his own. He was like a baby duckling after its mom. 'Cept, ya' know, this was Ryou and not some dumb duck. And although Jimmy Neutron's dad might kill me for saying so, Ryou and Bakura were both a lot cuter than any duck. Now duck_lings _on the other hand… Very cute.

Shadi, from his place up in a tree, twitched his tail angrily as the two figures seemed to deliquesce around the corner. "I'll get you for this stinky tomb robber," he meowed.

"RRRR…"

"Eep! Maybe a little bit later…" The little beige kitten purred in utmost fear, which no longer sounded like laughter. "Ah crud… _Save me!_"


	5. Tea

Stupid in Love

Chapter 5

Téa

Bakura lagged behind his hikari. The threat of Shadi had been subdued for at least a few hours, since he was fighting for his life and Bakura and Ryou were headed toward Domino Pharmacy. He thought of what he had said to Shadi. Did he really like Ryou as much as he said he did? Why couldn't he even bear for Shadi to look at him? Ryou was supposed to be his property, not his crush!

Ryou walked a few paces ahead of his darker side, humming a tune that Bakura didn't recognize; "Tylenol Island". The lack of communication between the two was increasingly awkward… at least it was for Bakura, who was quite flustered by the events of the day. Little did he know… the worst was yet to come.

/Ryou…/ Bakura mumbled telepathically, unsure of what he wanted to say.

/Yes yami?/ Ryou didn't even turn around to see what he had to say, and Bakura's shoulders sagged from the lack of special attention.

/Uhm… when you called me a fag, did you realize that I--/

"Oh look, we're here!" Ryou grabbed Bakura's wrist and pulled the grave robber into the drug store. "Ok, I'll go and get some Tylenol, you just stay here," Ryou advised.

Bakura nodded. "Ryou—"

"_Ryou!" _Bakura growled as _his _hikari was glomped by the black monster of death.

"Why hello Téa!" Ryou responded with a smile, although he all but shoved her away. "What's up?"

Téa eschewed Ryou's gaze and looked at the floor diffidently, but there was a sly bug asparkle in her eye. "Well, I'm having trouble finding the tampon section…" she confessed.

Bakura's eyes widened. /What the hell!? You don't just _tell _people that!! Creepy woman…/

"…" Ryou thought, and then smiled cruelly. "You know, Téa, Bakura was a tomb robber… I'll bet he could find them for you…"

/WHAT!?/

Ryou ran off. /Sorry Kura-chan… Ma ha ha ha ha!/

/Yeah right. I'll just bet you're sorry,/ Bakura responded bitterly. He wanted to smack himself. He disdained the one called Téa. Why was Ryou doing this to him? He pouted. /Not fair…/

/Life's not fair,/ Ryou answered gleefully.

Téa looked at Bakura expectantly. He stared at her. "…Hi," he said.

"Kya!" Téa glomped him. It looked quite wrong.

"Aww, young love!" some old couple said. Bakura sent them to the Shadow Realm. And now, for Téa.

"Get off of me or you shall perish," Bakura warned her seriously. To his surprise, she did let go of him, although she still held his hand in hers. That was better than being hugged, he supposed…

"So." Bakura looked around. "Uhm… the tampons are over there," he said, pointing to a bigass sign four feet away from them that said "TOILETRIES".

"…" Téa tugged on his sleeve. "Come with me."

"Nani wo itte ka?" Bakura jabbered. "Let me go! Let me…"

"Come with me!" Téa insisted. She tugged on his sleeve so hard that he was afraid it might rip. "Come on." She started to drag him down the aisle of girly items.

"Nooooooooooooooo!" Bakura cried, and he tried frantically to grab anything he could get a hold of. This was really bad, because he almost grabbed a box of tampons.

"…Poor 'Kura-chan," Ryou said, frowning. "Ah well…" He handed the cashier three bottles of Tylenol and some gauze bandages. "I'd like to buy these, please."

"Ok," answered a deep, easily recognizable voice. Ryou's eyes widened.

"Yami??" Ryou was incredulous. "Why are you working here?"

"…Community service," came the reply. "Loooooooong story. Ask Yugi. He's hiding from Téa in the corner." The former Pharaoh handed Ryou his receipt, looking at him with sincerely grateful crimson orbs. "And thanks for shopping here."


	6. For Rachelchan

Stupid in Love

Chapter 6, Version 2

Just For Rachel-chan

Thanks, Rachel!

Téa dragged Bakura past the multifarious selections of sanitary napkins. Bakura had no idea that there were that many companies dedicated to making such things. Kotex, Tampex, so many others… What was with all of the –ex's? Bakura couldn't help but wonder. It was so mindboggling… There were packages with quiet wrappers, packages for overnight, packages for heavy/light/medium. Bakura realized that heavy, light and medium were settings, but he couldn't figure out for the heck of him what was meant by them. And was the phrase "with wings" supposed to mean?

A/N: Lol. Poor 'Kura… Credit to the idea for the next paragraph goes to great friend Lauren!! On she's called turkeybutt, I think.

The ones that _really _disconcerted the insiduous theif were the ones that were labelled "Easy Glide". What was doing the gliding?!?!

While the tomb robber, whose dignity was on its last legs, was getting a nosebleed from the nature of the items he was surrounding by, he was also in the process of acquiring a headache, due to some faggot who sounded quite a lot like Wheeler shouting over the intercom:

/Yes! so crazy right now  
Most incredibly  
It's your girl b  
It's your boy young  
History in the makin/

"..What the hell is this crummy music?" Bakura asked Téa, thinking that as a dancer, she would know.

Téa giggled. "It's Crazy in Love, silly! This fan fiction is named after it!" She started singing along with it: "I look and stare so deep in your eyes / I touch on you more and more every time / When you leave I'm beggin you not to go / Call your name two, three times in a row."

Bakura turned a deep shade of what was later coined riolet, not because it was a combination of red and violet, (which it was,) but because there was a Mr. Riolet standing nearby who coined the term.

/Ryou help me!! Téa's singing along with Beyonce Knowles!/

/She's hot./

/Téa's ugly./

/No, I meant Beyonce./

/…Can I see a picture of her sometime./

/Sure, but she's not as adorable as… eh… nevermind./

/What?/

"Such a funny thing for me to try to explain / How I'm feeling and my pride is the one to blame / Yeah, cause I know I don't understand / Just how your love can do what no on else can."

Téa, to Bakura's horror, jumped up on top of a table and started busting moves to make Destiny's Child jealous.

"Got me lookin so crazy right now / Your love's got me lookin so crazy right now  
(your love) /

"Got me lookin so crazy right now your touch's / Got me lookin so crazy right now  
(your touch)

"Got me hoping you page me right now your kiss's / Got me hoping you save me right now

"Lookin so crazy your love's got me lookin / Got me lookin so crazy your love!"

"…" Bakura stared. "What on Earth!"

Just then MAI VALENTINE walked out! And danced as well! And people cheered! ………Loudly!

"This is insane and plotless. The authoress is getting lazy," Bakura critiqued before random stuff started to fall on him. Like a package of sanitary napkins. And a horse.

"When I talk to my friends so quietly / 'who he think he is?' look at what you've done to me / Tennis shoes don't even need to buy a new dress / You ain't there, ain't nobody else to impress

"It's the way that you know what I thought I knew / It's the beat that my heart skips when I'm with you / Yeah, but I still don't understand / Just how your love can do what no one else can

"Got me lookin so crazy right now / Your love's got me lookin so crazy right now  
(your love)

"Got me lookin so crazy right now your touch's / Got me lookin so crazy right now  
(your touch)

"Got me hoping you page me right now your kiss's / Got me hoping you save me right now

"Lookin so crazy your love's got me lookin / Got me lookin so crazy your love!"

Bakura sighed in relief as Mai and Téa stopped singing. He thought the song was over… But just then, the annoying voice came back on the intercom… And Joey came out and did the voice of Jay-Z along with it. Ah crud.

"I'm warmed up now / Let's go / Young hova / Ya'll know when the flow is loco / Young b and the r-o-c uh oh / O-G, big homie / The one and only / Stick boney but the pockets are fat like tony / Soprano the roc handle / Like van Exel / I shake phonies man, you can't get next to / A genuine article, I do not sing tho / I sling though , if anything I bling yo."

"…" Bakura stared at Joey, honestly scared of the boy who so resembled a Golden Retriever. "Joey, what the hell do you think you're doing?" He tried to get him to stop while maintaining a shred of his dignity, but the craziness went on.

"Star like ringo / War like a green beret / You're crazy bring your whole set / Jay-z in the range / Crazy and deranged / They can't figure him out / They're like ãhey is he insane?ä / Yes sir I'm cut from a different cloth / My texture is the best fur, I'm chinchilla / I've been ill of the chain smokers / How you think I go the name hova / I've been reala' / The game's over / Fall back young ever since / I made you change over to platinum / The game's been a wrap / One."

Mai sang out, "Got me looking so crazy, my baby / I'm not myself lately / I'm foolish, I don't do this / I've been playing myself / Baby I don't care / Cuz your love got the best of me…"

"And baby you're making a fool of me!" Téa sang. "You got me sprung and I don't care who sees / Cuz baby you got me so crazy!"

Téa and Mai danced to the chorus again. Several perverts were staring, especially since Mai, as usual, was wearing very slutty clothes. Therefore, even if you _weren't _a pervert, if you were staring, you could be called one. If that didn't make sense, screw you. If it did make sense – isn't life bizarre that way?

"Got me lookin so crazy right now / Your love's got me lookin so crazy right now  
(your love)

"Got me lookin so crazy right now your touch's / Got me lookin so crazy right now  
(your touch)

"Got me hoping you page me right now your kiss's / Got me hoping you save me right now

"Lookin so crazy your love's got me lookin / Got me lookin so crazy your love

"Got me lookin so crazy right now…"

Everybody cheered. Mai turned to Téa. "Hey, do you know where I can find the…"

"Bakura can find it!" Téa chirped. "He was a tomb robber…"

Bakura ran all the way to the check-out line.

* * *

"So _that's _what happened," Ryou said. "Ohh… that makes sense, I suppose."

"You 'suppose?' " Ryou sweat dropped. Yugi looked deeply offended by the lack of trust supposedly instilled in the British boy.

"Er… I meant 'That's amazing.' Er… jolly good."

Remember, folks, there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's… or to use a British accent to your unconditional benefit. Yugi's smile was birght and cheery again in a flash.

"So now Yami owes 20 hours of community service. We figured we'd just have him work for one day here," Yugi explained. "It was going pretty well until he sent the first couple of scanners to the Shadow Realm." Yugi paused, and stood on his tippy-toes (aww) to see over Ryou's shoulder. His eyes widened, and he blushed. "Oh…"

"Yugi!" Téa suddenly glomped the petite duelist. In a flash, Yami was there.

"GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY AIBOU!!!" he screamed at Téa.

"Okay…" Téa left.

"…" Bakura stood there, one hand in his pocket. "Wow, wish I knew how to do that." Ryou couldn't help but notice that Yugi was blushing madly. In wonder whose affections had brown the tinges of rouge to his face – Tea's, or Yami's?


	7. It Makes Me Ill

Stupid in Love

Chapter 7, Version 3

It Makes Me Ill

Bakura pushed Ryou out of the store. Yami had glomped Yugi in a fit of protectiveness, and Bakura was hoping Ryou wouldn't notice… If Yugi and Yami were together, if only made sense for Bakura and Ryou to be together, right? Bakura wondered if the Ishtar family had the same kind of awkward feelings running through it, too, with Malik and Marik. Bakura made a mental note to ask, but in the meantime, his cerebation was just making him feel worse. It is safe to say that Bakura felt horrible as the two of them walked back to their house. I mean, who wouldn't feel bad after having to go through Joey _rapping? _The worst part, though, was that Ryou was humming the very song that Bakura had just had to go through.

Meanwhile, Shadi had had just about enough. He was clinging to a tree branch by three claws, and below was a (to him) gigantic beast about to devour him.

"Aw, screw this," he meowed, and suddenly he started changing shape again. He soon turned back into the Shadi _we _know, and possibly love. Unless you don't love him. He dropped to the ground and sent the mutt to the Shadow Realm with ease. "Stupid doggy," he murmured. " 'Man's best friend', my well-toned ass. Now where did Ryou get to?"

Luckily for him the two Bakuras were coming towards him right now!

Shadi walked slowly towards them. He waited behind the gray, metal fence until Bakura and Ryou were just on the other side, then he glided through the fence, looking all mystical and junk. It was his speciality, and it had a special effect on the more innocent of the white-haired boys.

"AH!" Ryou jumped into Bakura's arms. Both Bakura and Shadi appeared surprised by this gesture, Shadi also looking POed.

"Hello, Ryou… Bakura," he greeted with a nebulous voice, one that was both mystified and mystifying. He nodded curtly towards each of them.

"H-Hi Shadi," Ryou stammered back. "W-W-What brings you here?"

Bakura just glared at him angrily.

Shadi paused. He hadn't thought this far… but suddenly an idea came to him. He smiled cruelly.

"I sensed an intriguing disturbance in the mystical alignment," Shadi explained slyly. "It is one that can only be fixed by you, Ryou."

Ryou's eyes widened to the size of saucers. "By me?" he reiterated, his voice hushed by a sense of awe. It was the kind of awe instilled in people who, ignored for a greater portion of their lives, suddenly feel very important.

"Yes," Shadi said, a coy smile playing on his lips. "Only by you shall the twistedness which has overtaken our dimension placate itself."

"How do I do it?"

"The disturbance may be fixed if you, Ryou, spend the afternoon with me at the mall."

Bakura face faulted. "You're kidding, right? Tell me your kidding. Ryou, do you think he's kidding?" Bakura turned to his hikari, and face faulted again. Ryou was bouncing up and down and clapping.

"Ooh! The mall! I wanna go!" he cheered. "Can I go?" His face turned into a large, albeit cute, frown, with large, wavering eyes. He was going for the classic puppy eyes.

"Pweez?" he pleaded, clasping his hands together. "Pweez pweez pweez pweez _pweez?"_

"But of course," Shadi said in what would have been an urbane voice if he didn't sound so damn mysterious. He smirked. "Let's go." The Millennium Key hanging around the Egyptian's neck started to glow brilliantly. Ryou and Shadow deliquesced and reappeared suddenly in the Domino Mall.

"…Aw crud. They left me." Bakura started to jog towards the Domino Mall.

"So what shall we do now Shadi?" Ryou asked excitedly. 'Freaky and yucky Egyptian guy…'

Shadi smiled pervertedly. "We could go clothes shopping." _A/N o-o;;_

'…This guy is a freak,' Ryou decided disdainfully. 'Well, I guess I'll just have to show him… I can be a scary person too. I'll just be _slightly _overweening…'

"Jolly good!" Ryou said in a stereotypically overdone British accent. Ryou started pushing Shadi into Hip Dresser's Clothes. "You need a lot of new clothes!"

"Whaa…?"

Shadi outfit #1:

Indigo-colored dress shirt, floor-length kilt, a super large plaid hat with a purple fuzzy thing on the top, and bagpipes slung over his shoulder.

"Can I wear underwear under this?" Shadi inquired, looking for the price tag. Ryou sweat dropped.

"I don't think so…"

Shadi outfit #2:

A ripped white muscle shirt under a heavy black leather vest. Black leather pants, a thick gold chain for a belt, and sleek black boots. No turban.

"Eh?" Shadi felt the top of his head. "I feel naked without my hat."

"It's your head that's naked," Ryou said, alluding to Shadi's baldness.

Shadi outfit #3:

Snazzy four-piece jet black suit. With a red rose. 

"Are you having a fun time treating me like a Barbie doll?" Shadi demanded, his voice full of contempt and scorn.

Ryou's eyes lit up. "Of course I am!" he proclaimed. "Let's dress you up in these next!

Shadi outfit #4:

A clown outfit. Equipped with frills, a red wig, a make-up kit to make any professional clown jealous, and a red rubber ball for a nose.

"I'm getting kind of angry, Ryou," Shadi said quietly.

Ryou practically threw himself on him, gushing, "Awww, don't be mad love! This is so much fun!" Shadi, his heart pounding in his chest, could find no further option but to nod and agree.

Shadi outfit #5:

A black wetsuit. He has scuba diving gear slung over his shoulder. The black color shows off his dark eyes.

"Yes it does," Ryou agreed with me.

"No it doesn't!" Shadi complained.

"Are you arguing with the narrator?" that guy from George of the Jungle inquired. Shadi tried hard to ignore the gorillas in the other changing rooms.

Shadi outfit #6:

A white shirt and green pants a la Family Guy. Also comes with glasses that are hard to see.

Ryou disdained the outfit. "This look isn't really you," he lamented. "Let's try something else."

"Let's not," Shadi suggested, "and say that we did."

Ryou giggled. "Of course not silly! Just a few more. Besides, you looked so kawaii in that Scottish outfit!" Ryou giggled like a fruit. "Kee-yute!"

Shadi smirked as he stepped out of his pants. Fuzz censored… stuff. This was utterly humiliating, but if Ryou thought he was cute in these clothes, then maybe he had some kind of chance with him after all. On the other hand, if this was how Ryou acted in a mall, did Shadi really want to be together with him…? 

"If you weren't cute, I'd punch you for this," the Egyptian muttered a bit too loudly.

"You… think I'm cute?" Ryou inquired. "I didn't think I had so many crushers…" Ryou whispered the rest of his sentence, "You sick freak." Shadi didn't hear him, however, and he could imagine Ryou's blush, his shockingly white hair enunciating the pink stains across Ryou's face. In reality, Ryou was sticking his tongue out at him in utter hatred. Oh, it was nothing personal against Shadi, from Ryou's point of view, but Bakura had been dead-set against the mysterious man from Egypt, and if Bakura didn't think that Shadi and Ryou should hang out… neither did Ryou. Besides! Bakura was so much more fun to dress up in the mall.  He'd grumble, but he'd put up with it anyway. Ryou now wondered why this was… Bakura had just always submitted to dressing up in whatever Ryou wanted him to in the store, no matter how ridiculous. Think G-strings. Yes, yes. Ryou had even tortured Bakura with those. Bakura actually bought it, too, and had tried to choke the Pharaoh with it. Bakura was fun to be around. Bakura and Ryou knew each other's thoughts, sometimes. Shadi, though… was just some weird bald guy with a freaky accent and a flair for monotonously-voiced melodrama. Shadi was Shadi. And Shadi made Odion have sex appeal. That's saying a lot.

Shadi outfit #7:

A red silk prom dress, floor length. Kind of old fashioned – it flairs out below the waist for that pretty effect.

"Do you think I'm a _girl!?" _Shadi screeched. Several people shot him rude glances for his strident outburst.

"Of course not, Shadi…(na). Of course not." Ryou smirked.

Shadi outfit #8:

Cookie monster costume. :) Shadi peeks out through the mouth. :) :) :) :)

"I don't understand this," Shadi said, confused. "What is this a reference to?"

"A very… adult program," Ryou said, stifling a giggle. "About cookies."

Shadi outfit #9:

Hawaiian moomoo with floral print on sky blue. Yellow flipflops with large, floppy plastic butterflies of the same buttery color. A dark green plastic lei hangs limply around our "favorite" character's neck.

"Keiki…" Shadi looked at Ryou warningly.

Ryou gave him a small, impish smile. "Aloha, Shadi!"

Shadi's outfit #10:

Black leather skirt and tank top that are connected… I forget what you call those. Black fishnet stockings and high-heeled shoes the color of a maraschino cherry. Stud earrings instead of the usual gold loops… and blood red lipstick… dark blue eyeshadow, as well, and thick, fake eyelashes that were very curly. 

"I LOOK LIKE A WHORE!" Shadi shrieked. Ryou fell to the floor laughing uncontrollably.

"I… (can't breathe) I know! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You idiot!" Ryou couldn't get up, or breathe correctly, because he was laughing so hard. It was about this time that Bakura showed up. Knowing where his hikari liked to dress up not-so-innocent people, he immediately ran to Hip Dresser's Clothes, hereby called HDC.

Bakura pressed his nose up against the glass, monitering the situation before actually entering the shop of horrors.

Clothes? Check.

The usual gorilla posse? Check.

Ryou? Check.

Shadi in a transvestite outfit? …Huh?

"…Whoa," Bakura said. "Ryou really out did himself this time… I bet he's having fun." Bakura moped. And then, another infernal song started. Justin Timberlake's _beautiful _voice (sigh!) sang clearly.

/I was hanging with the fellas  
Saw you with your new boyfriend, it made me jealous/

"Nani!?" Bakura cried angrily. "I'm all alone, and Shadi is NOT Ryou's new boyfriend! Even if Shadi _was _his boyfriend, logically he couldn't be his new one because Ryou's never had one before! …Or did he?"

/I was hoping that I'd never see you with him  
But it's all good, 'cause I'm glad that I met him  
Heh  
'Cause now I know the competition's very slim to none  
And I can tell by looking that he's not the one/

"…Let us pray that Shadi is not 'the one'." Bakura clasped his hands together and began to pray fervently.

/He's not the type you said you liked/

"Ryou tells me nothing."

/His style is wack, clothes are bad/

Bakura took another look at Shadi in his transsexual ensemble. "That's for sure."

/Come on, girl, let him go  
I want you back/

"…Ryou is NOT a girl."

/Call me a hater, if you want to  
But I only hate on him 'cause I want you/

"Eh, I've always hated Shadi." Bakura shrugged. "I mean, he wants to send my soul to eternal damnation, and possibly molest my hikari. He never says what he means, always leaves before the check is paid, and never flushes. What reason is there for me not to hate him? I beg of you, if there is one, please inform me of it."

"He keeps the show moving," one random boy who looked a lot like Ash Ketchum answered.

"…" Bakura considered this. "Yeah, I suppose that's true…"

"Then my work here is done." Ash walked off.

/Say I'm trippin' if you feel like  
But you without me ain't right (ain't right)  
You can say I'm crazy, if you want to  
That's true-- I'm crazy 'bout you/

"And I'm just generally crazy!" Bakura grinned. "And soooooo proud!" Bakura was suddenly wearing his lime green shirt. In white lettering on the front, it said 'Insanity Pride!' in Chiller font. On the back, it had a picture of a squirrel and a skull being locked in a blender, and somebody's middle finger going to press the 'on' button.

A/N: I _so_ would want a shirt like that! :D

/You could say I'm breakin' down inside (inside)  
'Cause I can't see you with another guy  
It makes me ill  
To see you give  
Love and attention at his will  
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel  
To see you with him  
Oh, it makes me ill  
To see you give  
Love and attention at his will  
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel  
To see you with him/

"…This song is weird," Bakura opined.

/Girl I know that we broke up/

"RYOU IS NOT A GIRL! AND WE WERE NEVER GOING OUT!" Bakura shrieked. Several people stared at him oddly.

/But that doesn't mean you should give the cold shoulder  
'Cause you know that I truly do adore ya  
And that other guy can't do nothin' for ya  
Uh, see/

"Uh, no."

/I can tell that you don't really love that guy  
But there's no need for you to go and waste your time  
I think you know I love ya more  
Girl you gotta let him go  
I want you so just give him the boot/

"…What kind of stupid stupid lyrics are these?" Bakura wondered. "Sigh… 'Give him the boot.' That just sounds so gay. Way to go, Justin. Let's just get back to the chorus."

/Call me a hater, if you want to  
But I only hate on him 'cause I want you  
You can say I'm trippin' if you feel like  
But you without me ain't right (ain't right)  
You can say I'm crazy, if you want to  
That's true-- I'm crazy 'bout you  
You could say I'm breakin' down inside (inside)  
'Cause I can't see you with another guy  
It makes me ill  
To see you give  
Love and attention at his will  
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel  
To see you with him  
Oh, it makes me ill  
To see you give  
Love and attention at his will  
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel  
To see you with him  
Ohh...  
It makes me ill cause you used to be my girl/

"HE'S NOT MY GIRL! HE'S A GUY! G, U, Y! GUY!"

/Used to be (my girl) used to be my girl yeahhh/

"NO HE'S NOT!"

/It makes me ill (ooh) cause you used to be my girl (c'mon)  
My girl/

"ARGH!"

/So baby come back to me (baby...)/

"…Last time I checked, Ryou wasn't an akachan," Bakura quipped to nobody in particular. Several people, though, stopped to listen, and nodded their heads sympathetically.

A/N: _Akachan _is Japanese for baby. Of course the song doesn't mean that literally, but Bakura has taken it as such.

"But whatever… Still, the sight of Shadi in that… ew… _outfit… _it makes me want to barf. It—"

/It makes me ill/

"Hey don't cut me off!"

/To see you give  
Love and attention at his will (at his will..)  
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel  
To see you with him (when I see you with him)  
Oh, it makes me ill  
To see you give  
Love and attention at his will (at his will)  
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel  
To see you with him (baby I'm jealous)/

"RYOU'S NOT A BABY!" Bakura whined. "I ALREADY SAID THAT!"

/Oh it makes me ill  
To see you give  
Love and attention at his will   
And you can't imagine how it makes me feel  
To see you with him (you can't imagine how it makes me feel)  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh..  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh...  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh..  
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh../

"…Well, I'm actually impressed. I would've though that after doing all of those 'oh' sounds he would at least be tired…"

"What?! We done and done it again!" Justin Timberlake-chan's voice screamed. "Messsssy ohhhh!" There were some laughing sounds. "It's gravy baby.. aha.." And the song ended.

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"…

"WHAT?" Bakura growled. "WHAT THE HECK DID _GRAVY_ HAVE TO DO WITH _ANYTHING!?!?!?!?!_ …Good thing Ryou bought that Tylenol… Wait. What if Ryou wanted to die from an overdose instead of seppuku?" Bakura's eyes widened. "Oh no Ryou! I'll save you!"

And soon, Bakura, in shining armor and on a gray-speckled gelding charged into HDC because, after all, we _all _know that stallions are like, so cliché.


	8. Help From An Ally

Hi folks! I updated Chapters 1, 2, and 3 with some new content… If you haven't reviewed those yet, go back and do so or I may skewer you! (glare glare) The rest of the chapters are being edited now. I bought my sister Beyonce Knowles "Dangerously in Love" CD for Christmas, so this chapter is for her! Now excuse me while I go to worship my cat obsessively. Ryou will read out my review responses.

Ryou: I will?

Of course you will, cutie! (huggles Ryou while Bakura and Shadi glare at her jealously) Ha ha… Alright now see ya. (zooms out of there, fearing for her life)

ThePianoFiend: Thank you! It's nice to know that somebody appreciates my work...

Akio the dragon Master: Dogs do solve problems. They help people in hospitals. Dogs are nice. You're a great friend, Megan. Now go review Chapter 7! Ha ha, just kidding... yeah, this is sort of a Bakura-bashing fic, but ya know I've got to bash the bald man with the turban.

Scoodoo58: You talk just the right amount. Keep on talking. I'm gonna go put the word "gelding" in chapter 7! It's going to be my second word of the day. (Today's word is percolate.)

ttSerenity: Yeah, I try to be random without being TOO random.

Katto-chan: blushes Awww... go on! No I'm not! Ha ha ha… Thanks Kat.

Charlie: Yes, you know I love Eminem. Power to the filthy lyrics, ha ha.

mormonboy: merci.

Back! Thanks Ryou.

Ryou: You're welcome.

Shadi: Does your cat look like me? The one you were just worshipping?

(pokes Shadi in the chest) No! He's black, and white, and FAT! Do you want to be black, and white, and FAT?

Ryou: (imagines Shadi as a black person with an afro and giggles)

Bakura: (imagines Shadi as a white person with an afro and screams)

Shadi: …NEVER! (glomps Ryou)

Bakura: WHAT THE F—

Stupid in Love

Chapter 8, Version 2

Help From An Ally

Bakura stared ruefully into the shop. Ryou was having fun… maybe the boring Egyptian had convinced him not to commit seppuku! :( Wah. 'Kura wanted to do that! It was on his list of things to do! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!

"Well then, I'll just take inspiration from those stupid Archie comics!" Bakura declared out loud.

"Good for you," a random person told him. Bakura sent them to the Shadow Realm.

"And that's for more inspiration! Bwa ha ha! Now… let's see… for the flashbacks!"

Flashback #1

"_Tis the season to be jolly," Bakura murmured. "Fa la la la la, and ha ha ha."_

"That's not it…"

Flashback #2

"…" _There was no answer, so Bakura opened the door to the little library-type thing where Ryou's dad kept all of his books. Ryou was curled up on the windowseat, reading a book that was black with red lines on it. Bakura squinted. Were those red lines supposed to be blood?_

Flashback #3

"_Hai yami?" Ryou looked up at him with sparkling eyes. Bakura felt a knot in his stomach tighten. "Uh…"_

Bakura felt his stomach tighten again. "Uh… wrong flashback. I think the one I'm looking for has something to do with music…"

Flashback #4

_/Got me lookin so crazy right now  
Your love's got me lookin so crazy right now  
(your love)  
Got me lookin so crazy right now your touch's  
Got me lookin so crazy right now  
(your touch)  
Got me hoping you page me right now your kiss's  
Got me hoping you save me right now  
Lookin so crazy your love's got me lookin  
Got me lookin so crazy your love/_

"Dang it! Not the soooooong!"

Flashback #5

"_It's pure garbage," Bakura opined. "You don't have this on CD do you?"_

"_No." Ryou paused to turn the page in his book. "It's on the radio."_

"That's it!" Bakura shouted, gesticulating wildly. "I'll just buy one of Knowles stupid CDs and Ryou will love me more! It's so simple I can't believe it took me a page and a half to figure it out!"

Suddenly Bakura was tackled by someone heavier than him, which sucked.

"That's a great idea!" Yami Marik squealed, his spiky hair nearly impaling his friend. "Let me help!"

"No!" Bakura shouted at his best friend. "You're too fruity; you always screw things up! –Waiiiiiiiit a minute… I think I may have the perfect job for you. Go into the HDC and cause mayhem!"

Marik beamed. "Roger!"

"My name's not Roger. Actually, I'm not sure what my real name is, but that's ok." Bakura mulled this over before asking, "Do you know where the CD store is?"

Marik pointed to the store directly across from the HDC. Bakura sweat dropped. "…Oh. Well thanks!" He got up and ran in.

Marik smiled sadistically. " 'Time to check the damage, and cause some more,' " he said, quoting his own irresistible self. A tan man with a glowing third eye strode into the store. Nobody thought this was odd.

_A/N (Ish drooling over Yami Marik.)_

Marik walked into the store equipped with a MasterCard. Remember, destruction does have a price, but as long as you use somebody else's credit card, that price will never apply to you.

Ryou, apparently, knew this as well. "We'll take all of them," he sniggered, pointing to a huge pile of clothes next to Shadi. The Egyptian's eyes bugged out.

"How are we going to afford that!?" Shadi accused. Ryou giggled at him and held up waved a MasterCard in the Egyptian's face.

"Remember, clothes do have a price, but as long as you use somebody else's credit card, that price will never apply to you," Ryou chirped happily. Shadi stared at him. So did Marik.

"Who's credit card is that?" Shadi demanded. Ryou giggled.

"It's Kaiba's," he confessed. The white-haired teenager giggled some more for good measure, as he could see that it was giving Shadi a nasty twitch. 'Good. Stupid bald turban guy. Nothing against bald people, I just have a thing against turbans. They bug me. I wonder where 'Kura is now? He should be here enjoying this with me. He'd be smirking, or something important like that.'

"Shadi must think that Ryou is _really _cute to be able to put up with _that," _Marik thought in disgust. "Stupid Egyptian… I shall send him to the S.R.! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Looking to destroy someone again Marik?" Dr. Measly, Marik's psychician, asked. Marik pointed his Millennium Rod at him.

"How did you know!?" he demanded. "And why are you shopping here!?"

"You were saying it all out loud, anybody could've heard it!" Dr. Measly argued. "And I shop here because it's hip! MWEE!" The stringy old man did a disco pose. Every one in the store barfed uncontrollably. It was a bulimi-a-thon.

"Ewwwwwwwww." Ryou disdained the various fluids lying on the floor by wrinkling his nose. It was then that he happened to catch sight of one of the most twisted, malicious, evil, devious people who occupy this planet full of desolate hope.

"Oh hi Marik!" Ryou chirped amiably. "How are you today? I haven't seen you in quite some while. Are you well?"

"Crap, I've been sighted!" Marik said out loud. "Abort! Abort!" He ran out of the store, shoving over random coat racks on the way so that it would be all the more difficult for Ryou to follow him.

"…Well that was certainly very interesting," Ryou decided. "I wonder what he was in here to buy?" Ryou's gaze wandered to a shelf full of revealing tank-tops. "Probably one of those… Or maybe not, those are more of Malik's style." Ryou shrugged. "Oh well, I guess I'll never know."


	9. Dartz Steps In

This chapter is dedicated to my friend Akio the Dragon Master, who will appreciate the comments about Alister, I hope. BTW! I uploaded the edited versions of Chapters 7 and 8!

Akio the Dragon Master: YY Yeah, I saw that when I was editing…

Scoodoo58: Yeah, we should all go and pilfer Kaiba's house and steal his credit cards! And his clothes! Like his leather pants. Kaiba isn't cool enough for leather. :D Also, today's word of the day is _hemic. _

Stupid in Love

Chapter 9

Dartz Steps In

Bakura entered the CD store. His evil chocolate eyes narrowed as he took in his surroundings. There were rows and rows of CDs to choose from, and a couple of headsets where you could sample a multifarious CDs. Everything looked innocuously normal. However, our Bakura knew better than to trust first appearances. After all, his second-best friend in the whole world wore a belly shirt!

"…Suspicious…" Bakura stepped inside. Immediately an alarm went off. "What the—?"

"Congraaaaaaaaaaaaatulations!" Mokuba Kaiba sprang out of a random storage box. He begun to leap around gracefully like a ballerina, followed by a pirouette right in front of our favorite robber of graves. "You are our 500th customer today Bakura! YOU GET A FREE CD! ISN'T THAT GREAT!?" The eleven-year-old started bouncing up and down like a Mexican jumping bean on steroids.

Bakura stared at the green youth. "What are you doing here?"

"I work here! " Mokuba pointed to his official name badge, which was situated on his udder(1). It said 'Mokuab'.

Bakura raised an eyebrow. "You have wooden muscles?"

"No because they'd splinter if they were made of wood!" Mokuba explained to him in a hyper tone.

"As if I didn't know that," Bakura grumbled. "I was just kidding you little piece of crap.'

"I'm not crap, I'm POO! :D And here!" Mokuba fished in his pockets for ten whole minutes before the small boy handed Bakura a coupon – ok, actually he threw it in Bakura's face. Bakura grabbed it, wrinkling his nose at the scent. It had obviously been in Mokuba's pocket for a long, long time. "You get one _good _CD, so you can't buy any of the CDs in aisle eight," Mokuba told him. "Those are the crappy CDs."

Bakura blinked owlishly. "Ok…" Bakura waddled away like a penguin with a limp as Mokuba fell to the ground and had a seizure. Looking, he quickly found only ONE copy of "Dangerously in Love". He reached for it, lovely yaoi-ish thoughts of making out with Ryou dancing in his head like a thousand strippers. The former tomb robber grabbed the desired CD, but so did someone else!

Dun dun dun!

Bakura glared at the offending person. "Hey! This is for my yadonushi!!"

Dartz glared back at Bakura. "This is for _my _Alister," the girly-looking man said. Bakura looked horrified.

"You're dating a transvestite!?" he screeched in pure HORROR!

"…Idiot." Dartz' golden eye twitched. "Alister's a girl,(2)" Dartz told him, declaring loudly so that EVERYBODY could hear: "She lost her breasts in the war!"

"What war!?" Bakura demanded in a panicky voice. "I don't remember a war!"

"The War of Kentucky!" Dartz started to tell the tragic, tragic ballad of The Colonel's Challenger.

"A long time ago, there was a Colonel that started a fried chicken business. One day, a challenger stood up to oppose him! This began a huge war, and many, many fine specimens of chicken were sacrificed." Dartz shook his head sadly.

"Who was the challenger?" Bakura asked confusedly.

"Eh… I forget his name." Dartz scratched the back of his head. "Chicks-will-lay? Chick-fillay? Eh… something…" Dartz scratched the back of his head, now with his other hand. In doing so he removed both hands from the CD and Bakura snatched it away from him.

"NO!" Dartz' eyes started to glow demonically. "MY CD!"

"YES!" Bakura shouted back. "_MY _CD! In your face! HA!" Bakura started to shake his booty. "Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah, nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! Can't touch this!"

"…" Dartz stared. "That was… interesting…"

"And very sexy!" a girl named Valon was shouting.

_A/N: Disturbing…_

Dartz rubbed his temples. "Omigod… Valon, I told you to stay in the cars. Anyways," Dartz pointed at Bakura. "RAFAEL! GET HIM!"

A blonde man leapt up from another aisle. "YES MASTER DARTZ!" He started running after Bakura, who stared at him.

"Oh crap."

BEGIN THE SLOW RUNNING SCENE!

Bakura started to run really slow. So did Rafael. They both ran like on Gundam SD. Bakura had ALMOST reached the cash register, where Tea was popping bubblegum very obnoxiously.

'Omg it's Tea!!!' Bakura winced. Well, if it would make this hikari love him, he supposed that he could stand Tea for about two minutes… Suddenly Rafael tackled him and all was lost.

"That was quite fun Shadi!" Ryou smiled brilliantly at the Egyptian. "Don't you agree?" Several women fainted as Ryou passed by.

"So what do you want to do now?" Ryou inquired… inquisitively. The teen looked disdainfully regarding his surroundings. He didn't want to really be here, unless it was with Bakura… Shadi's turban was really freaking him out. It was so… puffy… "Like a swollen eyeball."

"_What?"_ Shadi stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Ryou Bakura oddly, his long robe ruffling around his feet.

"Um… I said I'm hungry," Ryou blurted, trying to cover up for his blunder.

Shadi nodded. "I guess we can…" Shadi paused, and squinted. "Is that Bakura getting chased around by a burly, blonde man with what looks like elephant tusks?"

"What?" Ryou piped up. "What did you say? Where?!"

"Eh, never mind, it was just a mirage. It's because of the disturbance in the alignment of the stars! We must spend more time together!"

Shadi shook his head. 'I can't allow Bakura to interfere with my day with Ryou!'

"Want to go to the food court?" the Egyptian inquired, throwing the white-haired Brit a dazzling smile that made Ryou want to puke again.

_/You make me sick to my stomach_

_And every time I think about you, I puke_

_You must just not know--whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa _

_You may not think you do, but you do _

_Every time I think of you /_

"Ugh. Sure! Anything for you Shadi," Ryou said sweetly. Rampant images of Shadi drowning in a hemic ocean played over and over in our innocuous friend's head.

Shadi grabbed his hand. Shadi's hands were cold and clammy. Ryou's eyes went wide with hatred for the officious Egyptian.

'I'm getting my revenge on him in the next chapter. Review or Sour Schuyler will never finish this!'

From Ed, Edd and Eddy.

Akio and I are so sure!

Coming up: A waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too vivid description of Shadi's hips! Yugi shows Bakura the power of RAP! Marik has a yen to eat CDs! And it's the return of the inflatable boulder! Will Ryou pretend to commit seppuku? WILL BAKURA EVER GET TO CONFESS HIS ADORATION FOR HIS HIKARI?! AND WILL I EVER SHUT UP? All this and more in the super-long next chapter! If you review it promises to be at least 3000 words!


	10. Ring Around The Mall

I have uploaded version 2 of Chapter 7!! Not only that, but I can also boast 50 percent new content for chapter 2. Ma ha ha ha ha!!! Not that I expect you to go back and read it... OOH! Except for Kat. Not only that, but Kat has to review it, too! SO THERE KAT! :P LET IT BE KNOWN THAT KAT MUST REVIEW! LET US THROW TOMATOS AT HER!

It's TailThe one Kat forced to review this --UU: Don't let her boss you around, Tails! (fakely grins) GET HER! MA HA HA HA! Oh and please pinch Aeris' arm to make sure she is alive. She hasn't moved from the corner reading manga in like forevvvvvvvvver...

Shantina and Tochi Emterprises: :) May I?

Sami: I absolutely ADORE the song "Ass like that!" It's ssooooooooooooooo funny! :D :D :D Thanks for pointing out all the funny parts! I'm going to try to make this longer, so now I know what parts to keep in! :D Yay!

Akio the Dragon Master: Oh, did it? -.-;; Bugger… I will try to fix it soon. Oh, and you'll like Valon in this chapter. (smirks)

ttSerenity: Yeah, Dartz is bish. (Akio will kill me for saying it, though.) cowers

Scoodoo58: My word is from The Last Restaurant in the Universe, a remarkable book by Douglas Adams, and the word is desultory. :) I have fun making you look up things, I hope you know.

Sirithiliel: Yes, Bakura's having lots of "fun".

Living on Dreams: That may be so Missa, but I am permanently branded of the image of Valon in this story. :) You'll see.

This took forever, but it IS 3,000 words long! LIKE I PROMISED! SO 'HA' AND HERE WE GO!

Stupid in Love

Chapter 11

Ring Around The Mall

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!" Bakura screamed.

Rafael sweat dropped. "Aw come on, I'm not _that _ugly!" Bakura slapped him.

"You will be when I finish beating you with an ugly stick!" the very pissed off tomb robber hissed vehemently. "You _groped _me! You fiend! I've been violated by a man with tusks! That was _not _on my list of things to do today!"

"I didn't mean to!" Rafael pleaded. He was still lying torpidly on top of Bakura while they were arguing.

_A/N I am being absolutely, 100 serious here. When I wrote this part, my nose started bleeding. I swear, honest to Ra it did! Odd, because I absolutely detest Rafael to the very core of my being. He's ELEPHANT MAN!_

BEGIN THE SHORT BUT DRAMATIC SEQUENCE!

In the corner, there was a lone figure. He stepped out into the light! He had blonde, silky bangs, and ridiculously large amethyst eyes. He was also very short. YES! The dramatic person thrown in silhouette was in fact the infamously kawaii Yugi Moto! And he had headphones on!

END THE SHORT BUT DRAMATIC SEQUENCE!

_A/N I love you Yugi. Now, gimme those headphones!_

"CUT THAT OUT!" Yugi smacked Rafael over the head repeatedly with a _very_ ugly stick. "AND GET OFF BAKURA! THAT'S DISTURRRRRRRRRBING! –Not to mention it hurts my eyes and everyone elses'."

Rafael sweat dropped, noticing that everybody in the store was wearing very black sunglasses. "Damn!" he said. "I must really be ugly!"

Yugi's headphones fell off, flooding the room with music! :D It was the authoress' favorite rap song, by the authoress' favorite author, the slightly obnoxious sounding, Eminem! Playing was his greatest song… It was the song known to many as _My 1st Single._

_Sayin 'I'm done-uh!' Come on  
And this was suppose to be  
__And this was supposed to be my first single  
__But I just that up so,  
__it, let's all have fun let's mingle  
__Grab a chick and doe-see-do  
__This was supposed to be my catchy little jingle  
__That you hear on your radio  
__But it's about to hit the shingle  
__Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh No  
__erra Oh Ah  
__erra Oh Ah  
__erra Oh Ah  
__erra Oh Oh Ah Ah_  
_erra Oh Ah  
__erra Oh Ah  
__erra Oh Ah  
__erra Oh Oh Ah Ah_  
_Poo Poo Ca Ca _

_Any opinions or somethin you just wanna get off your chest  
And address it about my lyrics I'd love to hear it  
All you gotta do is pick up the phone and just dial up this number  
It's 1-800-I'm a I love to  
And if someone picks up you can talk all the you want about me  
Just type in your number back and follow it by the pound key  
And I'll be sure to get back  
As soon as there comes a day that I fall out with Dre  
Wake up gay, make up with Ray (Hey!)_

_So a chicken, a chicken, a chicken,  
Beat a chicken, eat a chicken like it's a big bawka-bi-kaw  
Or suck a , and lick a and eat a  
And stick a in your mouth  
I'm done you can off  
-- offf!  
And this was supposed to be my first single  
But I just that up so,  
it, let's all have fun let's mingle  
Grab a chick and doe-see-do  
__This was supposed to be my catchy little jingle  
That you hear on your radio  
But shit's about to hit the shingle  
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh No  
__erra Oh Ah  
__erra Oh Ah  
__erra Oh Ah  
__erra Oh Oh Ah Ah__  
erra Oh Ah  
__erra Oh Ah  
__erra Oh Ah  
__erra Oh Oh Ah Ah_  
_Poo Poo Ca Ca _  
Oh Ah Oh Ah  
Poo Poo Ca Ca  
(burping noise)

_A/N I had to edit it. UU; I only own the edited version…_

Rafael grabbed his ears, which started bleeding. "His voice!" a blonde man screamed. "I hate his vooooooooooooice!"

"Shut up Joey," somebody said tartly.

"But Eminem's obnoxious vooooooooice!" Joey Wheeler continued to wail. "It haunts me so!"

"Now now Mr. Wheeler, just come with us…" A man in a white coat approached Joey cautiously. "Just coooooooome with uuuuuuus…"

"His vooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii cccccccccccccccccccccccc ee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Joey screamed and kicked (and quite possibly bit someone and gave them rabies) as the men in white dragged him away.

Anyway, Rafael didn't like the song, either.

"That's a horrible song! I hate rap music!" Rafael stood up and glared at the two. "I'll be back for you later!" He did back flips out of the music store.

"That was cool," Yugi opined, admiring the Matrix-esque scene. Bakura rubbed his sore butt.

"Says you," he growled. "I got groped by an elephant man!"

"Isn't that a song?" Yugi asked. "Not the groping part, but Elephant man?"

"Possibly," Bakura stated. "Anyway, what brings you here?"

Yugi beamed proudly, whipping out a newly-bought copy of Eminem's newest CD, _Encore. _"It's soooooo cool," Yugi told him. "The authoress just loves it. Song # 8 is her favorite. It's called _My 1st Single. _It was playing on my headphones when Rafael stormed out. Did you hear it?"

Bakura sweat dropped. "Yeah… Yeah Yugi, I heard it. –No wonder they say that rap is making children violent," Bakura mumbled as an additive. "Just look what it's done to your hairstyle."

"HEY! I heard that!" Yugi vociferated, taking out a rolled up newspaper.

WHAP! WHAP!

Meanwhile…

Ryou and Shadi entered the food court. There was a pizza place, a Chick-fil-a, (sp?) a GameStop, an ice cream place, and a few Chinese food places. (Just like at themall I go to, mwa ha!)

"So, what do you have a yen for?" Ryou inquired. "They've got all kinds of food here. I personally really like the Chinese place. They have a really delicious combo meal."

_A/N They do! It's totally yum. I eat it every time I'm in the food court._

"I've only got 1,000 yen," Shadi replied. Ryou sweat dropped.

"No, that's not what I meant. Um, you go buy some food for yourself, and I'll go grab a seat."

"Ok." Shadi mosied over to the pizza place, his hips sashaying from side to side in a rhythm. Until…

"Dude, you're a dude! Stop walking like a girl, dude!" said a dude. He had no name; he was just a dude. Shadi glared at him, but finally walked normally.

"Damn my abnormally large hips," he mumbled. Several overprotective mothers shocked him with their stun guns.

"Owww…" Shadi sat up and looked around. His abnormally thin stomach rumbled.

_A/N Everything about Shadi is abnormal._

The "sexy" (ha!) Egyptian came to the conclusion that he had never eaten any of the things offered here before. He decided to go with some stuff called "pizza".

"It sounds good," he reasoned. And so he headed over towards it.

Meanwhile…

Every chair either had soda spilled all over it, bubblegum stuck to it, or it was covered with snow.

"How did snow get _inside _the building?" Ryou wanted to know. "Ah well…" Ryou found a clean seat and sat down, drumming his fingers and trying to think of a good way to get revenge on Shadi. He looked around…

"What kind of a stupid schmuck only brings 1,000 yen with them to the MALL?" Ryou wondered. "And why am I cursing in Yiddish? But, still! That's like, what? Eight dollars U.S.? Five pounds?" Ryou looked around, his brown eyes searching for another clothes store to torture Shadi in, but…

He saw the GameStop.

The GameStop saw him.

And love was in the air.

/I'm in the mood for love…

Simply because you're near me!/

_A/N That's one of my dad's favorite songs. ) _

Meanwhile…

"So," Yugi said, "why on _earth _do you want to buy _Beyonce?" _

Bakura blinked cutely. "It's not her, it's just a CD."

Yugi sweat dropped. "I knew that. I mean, why do you want to buy her CD? That's like… almost like cheer competition music."

_A/N Ooh, bad Yugi! I'm telling my sister on you! She'll whap you one good._

Bakura explained, "Ryou's really fond of her music, and I…" Bakura stopped, and tried to prohibit the red from spreading all over his face. Yugi's eyes lit up.

"You want to get it for him as a token of LUUUUUUUUV!" Yugi sung. Bakura's ears started to bleed.

"Um, yeah, how did you know?" the ancient grave robber asked.

":D I'm a romanticist," Yugi informed him.

"Oh."

"Yeah, it drives Yami insane," Yugi continued. Bakura blinked in surprise.

"_Oh." _

BAKURA'S MIND

OPENING FILE ON PHARAOH/BLACKMAIL/1……

SAVING ROMANTICIST.DOC…

ACTION COMPLETE

"Cool," Bakura said, sticking his hands in his pockets nonchalantly. Suddenly, in an Indiana Jones-esque scenario, a grey boulder suddenly started crashing down the large hallway! (Or is that a mallway?) The two of them ran, and ran, and ran! And then they ran some more! Because I said so!

"I'm tired," Yugi grumbled after a long time of running. "And this hallways looks like it's repeating."

Somehow, Bakura managed to hear this over the roar of the giant boulder behind them.

"ROAR!" said the boulder. "EAT OR JOE'S OR ELSE!"

"Keep running!" Bakura yelled. "There's a boulder behind us!"

"What?" screamed Yugi.

"I SAID," Bakura repeated, "there is a rather large boulder behind—"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yugi screamed horribly as he was sucked under the boulder, the titanic mass of rock acting as a giant vacuum. Luckily for him, it was plastic, just like the one that ran over Ryou.

"Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Yugi!" Bakura sobbed. "Wait a minute, I hated him anyway… And I could've just done this."

Bakura opened his shirt and whipped out his Millennium Ring. Several girls fainted.

"PENALTY GAME!" Bakura pointed at the giant, inflatable boulder, and it instantly disappeared to the S.R.

Yugi moaned in pain. Several fangirlish zealots were carrying him away.

"Well there go my hopes of getting some more blackmail." Bakura sighed sadly. "Oh well… I better find Ryou."

Bakura hoped that Ryou wasn't having too much fun hanging out with Shadi. If only he had known that Ryou hated Shadi just as much as Ryou hated mobs of fangirls, then Bakura could have rested easy. But he didn't. So Bakura wanted to find Ryou as soon as possible.

Just then, Rafael stepped in Bakura's way.

"I think we have a little something to settle," he said, cracking his knuckles. Bakura sighed and took out his Millennium Ring again.

"PENALTY GAME!!!!"

Suddenly Valon came out in a frilly white wedding dress with fake, pink roses sewed onto it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO OOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Valon shouted.

_A/N I made him a girl remember? :D_

Valon beat Bakura over the head with a wedding bouquet. "DARN YOU TO HECK, YOU SMELLY BEAST!" he shouted. "RAFAEL AND I WERE GONNA GET MARRIED!"

".." Bakura fingered his Millennium Ring, winding its chain around his finger. "Well then, in that case…

"PENALTY GAME!"

Meanwhile…

"Did you hear that?!" Shadi asked, sitting down next to Ryou.

"No," Ryou answered, pushing the buttons on his brand new, silver-colored Game Boy Advance clumsily.

_A/N Ryou will be playing the game I got for Christmas, Spyro: Season of Ice._

"Oh. Well, it sounded like somebody shouting 'Penalty game'," Shadi informed him. "What are you playing? Is that a Tamagatchi?

Ryou rolled his eyes. "Gee, I thought only Malik had lived under a rock his whole life. This is a Game Boy Advance. Yugi had one of them in his soul room."

_A/N 'Tis true! If you watch the episode, he really does!_

"Oh," Shadi said. "…So it's a microwave?"

BAP!

"No you idiot," Ryou retorted rudely. "It's a game station. A handheld. Like a portable Gamecube."

"You stuff games in a box?"

Ryou sweat dropped. "No!" He quickly amended this misconception by saying, "It's like a… ah, forget it." Ok, so Ryou didn't amend anything. But, whatever. It's his life.

Several minutes passed by. Ryou got bored and decided to bug Shadi a different way.

"I'm playing Spyro: Season of Ice!" he announced proudly. "I'm flying over lava!"

"That's nice," Shadi grunted. Have you ever heard Shadi grunt? We have. Trust us; it is _not _a very sexy sound. Now Odion grunting… _that _is sexy. But Shadi just can't pull it off.

":D Yay!" Ryou exulted. Shadi stared at him oddly. Ryou explained, "I just saved another fairy!"

A goggle of random extras in the food court got up and cheered enthusiastically.

Shadi rolled his eyes. "They're all _that _happy that you're pro-gay marriage? Sheesh. I didn't think that there would be so many Democrats."

_A/N ;)_

"There's nothing wrong with that," Ryou pointed out. "And by fairy, I meant the mythical being, Shadi. Perhaps you've never heard of one? It's kind of like a pixy."

"Just when did candy come into this conversation!?" Shadi demanded angrily. Ryou rolled his big, brown eyes at him.

"Whatever, Shadi, now shut up while I set these cacti on fire." Shadi face faulted as Ryou continued, "Actually, they look more like primordial flowers to me… and whoever heard of cacti growing near lava? Cacti grow in the desert."

Shadi narrowed his eyes at the increasingly annoying youth. "Aren't you going to go and order your food?" he inquired, thinking that he would throw the offensive "handheld microwave" away as soon as Ryou got up.

"Nope!" Ryou chimed. "I'm not hungry, but you can go ahead and eat your pizza now if you would like." Ryou pointed to the slice of pizza on Shadi's paper plate. Shadi looked down at it. One had to admire the pizza, in its acute triangular shape. Fat sausages dotted the smooth cheese here and there.

"What are they grey shriveled things?" Shadi picked at one and tasted it.

_A/N That makes it sound like he's picking his nose… u _

"Those are sausages, Shadi," Ryou answered in a bored tone. He didn't even have to look up from his game.

"Oh. Are those like mushrooms?" Shadi asked.

"...Do you like mushrooms?" Ryou asked.

"Yes…"

"Then yes, Shadi, yes, they are like mushrooms." Ryou sighed, but then he perked up a bit. "Hey, a mermaid! …Ewww, it's a guy."

"What is the purpose of that handheld microwave?" Shadi asked. Ryou blinked.

"Um… the point of the game is to save all of the fairies, I guess. And to collect gems."

Shadi snorted. "A liberal microwave, eh?"

"You're stupid."

"No, you are."

"You are!"

"No, you are."

"You are!"

"No, you are."

"You are!"

"No, you are."

"You are!"

"No, you are."

"You are!"

"No, you are."

"You are!"

"No, you are."

"You are!"

"No, you are."

"You are!"

"No, you are."

"You are!"

"SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" somebody screamed, before dying out of unknown causes.

Ryou paused. "Oh, crud!" he blurted. "Should we feel guilty?"

"No," Shadi snapped irritably. His fondness for the gentle, white-haired, brown-eyed, utterly bishounen teen sitting in front of him had waned considerably since they had set foot in the mall. Now, all that the Egyptian wanted was to lay down, soak his feet in warm water – without soap! (Shadi has his preferences.) – and watch Laura Ingram on the news. She wasn't probably nearly as annoying as Ryou… Heck, at this moment, even Tea seemed more attractive then Ryou. Hmm… yes…

"Ryou." Shadi stood up, his robe swishing around his feet. Ryou looked up, agitated.

"What is it?" he demanded. "The llama people need saving, right now!"

Shadi face faulted. "What llama people!? There are no llama people! MY GOD! You're like Carl from Jimmy Neutron!!!" Shadi glared at Ryou. "I am so sick and tired of your annoyingness!"

_A/N Turns out annoyingness is a real word!_

"What do you mean, Shadi?" Ryou asked innocuously. "I thought we were having a fun time together? Remember? And what about the mystical alignment's deterioration?"

Shadi snorted. "I made it up so I could spend the day with you!"

Ryou gasped dramatically. "No!"

"Yes!" Shadi hissed.

"No!" Ryou still insisted.

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Quiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiet!" some girl with pigtails screamed. "I can't take it anymore, teddy! Make the voices go away! …You say this gun will make the voices go away? But teddy, I thought guns were dangerous! You say that guns are really my friends? You say that pointing this gun at my head will make the voices stop? Let me try!" The girl did so. "Hm… you say to pull this trigger thing? What does it do, teddy? You say to trust you? Ok!" The idiotic girl shot herself in the gun with a head.

"Was that Rebecca?" Ryou wondered. "If it is, there go Yugi's hopes of ever getting a girlfriend."

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYY YYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYY Y Y Y YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Y YYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UU UUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!" Shadi yelled.

Ryou chirped back, ever chipper and buoyant: "Yes?"

"I despiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise you!" Shadi declared. Ryou sweat dropped at the blunt phrase.

"Oh, well that's too bad," Ryou lied. "I suppose you'll be going away now?"

"YES!" Shadi shouted. "YES! That is EXACTLY what I shall be doing! USE THE FORCE LUKE! USE IT!" Shadi walked away like a normal human being that owns a turban and goes around wearing robes.

Somewhere in Saudi Arabia…

"I resent that!" a random Arabic said, shaking his fist.

Back in Japan, America, whatever YOU think it should be:

"Goodbye, Ryou Bakura!" Shadi waltzed away sadly, sobbing. "It just wasn't meant to be!"

Several minutes past, as Shadi sloooooooooooowly shuffled out of the mall. Ryou sat torpidly, his hands on his GBA, actively busy saving the llama people of Market Mesa. "Go me!" he whispered. "Go Ryou! It's your birthday! We're gonna party like it's your birthday!"


	11. Dangerously In Love

Scoodoo58: A warthog you--

Random dick- Hey! I thought you weren't going to do long review responses!

SHUT UP YOU RANDOM DICK! (throws a pillow at them) OK! ALRIGHT THEN! FINE! Here's the ficcie!

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN YU-GI-OH OR TOCHI RIKAI. TOCHI RIKAI BELONGS TO SHANTINA AND TOCHI ENTERPRIZES, AND YU-GI-OH BELONGS TO KAZUKI TAKAHASHI-SENSEI!

Stupid in Love

Chapter 11

Dangerously In Love

Shadi stood by the pizza booth, sipping a chocolate shake. Ah, the chocolaty wonder. Ah, the chocolaty. Ah… shake.

Just then, about a dozen little girls ran up to him… and one little boy named Timothina.

"Hi!" said Timothina. He grinned, revealing his painfully crooked buckteeth. "We were wondering…"

"Yes?"

"Are you Santa Claus?"

Shadi fell over. "Ow… Um, no. Why?"

"Because you could hide things in your hat," Timothina said.

"Oh."

"_Do _you hide things in your hat?" one girl asked. Shadi grinned.

"Yup!" he said.

"Jelly beans?"

"Nope."

"Rabbits?"

Shadi smiled and took off his turban. The light reflected off of his bald head and blinded Tea, who was working at a nearby booth. He reached in with long, slender fingers, fingers that are good for grabbing things with, like doorknobs and poster board, and pulled out a rabbit… and a man.

"No, Funny Bunny!" Pegasus clutched onto the little rabbit's foot for dear life. "Please don't leave me! I'm such a lonely and insecure bish!"

With a sickening _ri-i-ip, _the rabbit's entire foot came off, leaving only a stub with a bone sticking out, and lots of blood. Pegasus screamed and fell back into the everlasting abyss of the turban.

Just then, a girl strode in and grabbed it…

Bakura strolled into the food court, wondering why he hadn't sent all those annoying people to the Shadow Realm. Shadi was definitely on his list of "to-go-to"s.

'Kura looked around, spotting no turban-headed freak but instead a bald freak.

"Give me back my turban!" Shadi was shouting.

"NEVER!" Tochi Rikai, age 15, cackled. "I'm going to need it to take over KaibaCorp!" And she ran out into the parking lot, with Shadi chasing after her. Too bad Shadi didn't see her knives…

"0.o He… he actually has hair! Fuzz, but… HAIR! 0,0 OH MY RA!"

"Yes?" said a girl. Bakura stared at her.

"o.o; Who are you?"

"Omira!" she chirped happily. "Will you play house with me? You can be my wife!"

"0-----------------0 Uh… no!" Bakura spun around and, coincidentally, smashed right into Ryou.

"Oh! Bakura!" Ryou said jollily. (Which, by the way, is a real word. :)) "I wanted to speak to you."

"O-----------O Me?"

"You."

"What about us?" Mi and Yu stood with their arms crossed, staring at the two boys.

"O-O What is it with creepy little girls and glaring at me?" Bakura commented.

"We look up to you!" Mi chirped. Ryou blanched.

"Scary thought…"

Bakura blinked. "Why do you say that?"

Ryou dragged Bakura away. Bakura looked deeply into his hikari's chocolate orbs.

"Bakura," Ryou said seriously, "I was never _really _going to commit seppuku. I would never do that. I…" Ryou wanted to add, 'I love you too much,' but he knew that this was the scene where Bakura was supposed to do something romantic and so he kept his trap shut.

"You weren't?!" Bakura yelled. "Why the /censored/ did you tell me that you were then?" Bakura placed his hands firmly on his hips, glaring at Ryou with the intensity of a hawk. Ryou also glared back. He couldn't quite throw off the menacing look, however, and he ending up appearing quite adorable, kind of like a pouting cherub with PMS who's been teased at a party.

"I was just joking, Bakura!" Ryou laughed. "Don't you have a sense of humor?"

The disgruntled grave robber growled. "Oh I have a sense of humor all right." Bakura chucked something at him. Ryou looked startled.

"Eh…? What's this?" Ryou disentangled the unidentified previously-flying object from his hair and discerned that it was a CD player.

"I got you this," Bakura threw the CD down at him. "I also got you a CD player."

"But I already have a CD player," Ryou informed him.

"Well I got you another one," Bakura covered up, "so you can listen to it _now."_

"_Now?"_

"_Now."_

"Oh. Okay."

Twenty minutes of trying to open the CD case later, Bakura sent it to the Shadow Realm. Ryou daintily picked up the CD between his thumb and forefinger. He pressed a button on the CD player, and the portion where you inserted the CD slid out. Ryou put in his new CD, pushed the protruding portion back into the CD player in a way that we suggest you do not push yours, and pressed play. He then listened to song one, while Bakura stood by, fidgeting nervously.

Lyrics to Song 1, "Dangerously in Love":

I love you

Baby I love you  
You are my life  
My happiest moments weren't complete  
If you weren't by my side  
You're my relation  
In connection to the sun  
With you next to me  
There's no darkness I can't overcome  
You are my raindrop  
I am the sea  
With you and God, who's my sunlight  
I bloom and grow so beautifully  
Baby, I'm so proud  
So proud to be your girl  
You make the confusion  
Go all away  
From this cold and messed up world

I am in love with you  
You set me free  
I can't do this thing  
Called life without you here with me  
Cause I'm Dangerously In Love with you  
I'll never leave  
Just keep lovin' me  
The way I love you loving me

And I know you love me  
Love me for who I am  
Cause years before I became who I am  
Baby you were my man  
I know it ain't easy  
Easy loving me  
I appreciate the love and dedication  
From you to me  
Later on in my destiny  
I see myself having your child  
I see myself being your wife  
And I see my whole future in your eyes  
Thought of all my love for you  
sometimes make me wanna cry  
Realize all my blessings  
I'm grateful  
To have you by my side

Every time I see your face   
My heart smiles  
Every time it feels so good  
It hurts sometimes  
Created in this world  
To love and to hold  
To feel  
To breathe  
To love you

Dangerously in love  
Can't do this thing  
I love you , I love you, I love you  
I'll never leave  
Just keep on loving me  
I'm in love with you  
I can not do  
I cannot do anything without you in my life  
Holding me, kissing me, loving me  
Dangerously  
I love you  
Dangerously in love

Bakura blushed as the song ended. "I didn't know it was _that _mushy," he murmured, but Ryou had already mega-glomped him to the floor.

"O.O Mommy why are those two men doing that?" asked a little four-year-old girl named Suzie.

"O.O No special reason, dear. Just suck on your lollipop -- I mean, do something uh... constructive!"

":D Okee!" Suzie went on to be the world's sweetest green waffle impersonator and won three awards.

OWARI! The end. Like it? Yes? No? REVIEW! I know it wasn't as funny, but I was anxious to finish it… I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED IT! (laughs at self because she actually finished a story) See ya later! Please reviiiiiiiiiiiew…


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